You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
