I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
