She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Randomize
