Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just forgot I was standing up.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
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