I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
