why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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