Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
