it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
