it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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