Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
