Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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