hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
