My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
is wine microwaveable?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
