I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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