you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
