apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
