I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
