I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Randomize
