how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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