and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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