Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
