I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
