why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
