i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
this hospital has no fireball
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
