Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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