he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
