Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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