I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
