Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
