this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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