You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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