I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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