12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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