But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Randomize
