just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
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