that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
