Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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