I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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