i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
