If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
