**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
