its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
