i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
someone owes me an orgasm
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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