I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
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