She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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