I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
