She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
