I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
