I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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