I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Randomize
