Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
