wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
