my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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