thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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