Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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