This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
